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The Law of Attraction states that we manifest our experiences by our thoughts : what we focus on we attract into our lives, and our beliefs shape our experiences.
Today I’m going to talk about how to become a manifesting master...
Let’s start with the big picture: the key to manifesting is be excited for the possibility of creating something awesome in your life without feeling bad that it’s not happening right now. It’s like difference between the guy in the bar that is desperate to get a woman’s phone number and the one who has an air of confidence, who is just there connecting with you in the moment no strings attached.
NOT, how many negative thoughts do you have in a day? The voice in our head is not actually designed to be positive and hopeful, but that is for another talk. All I am saying is it’s tricky to pull off manifesting something that you really want...
I think about myself and how badly I wanted to fall in love with somebody, and I tell you it was a long journey...
When I was younger 4 people committed suicide in my family, and my family was not that big to begin with.
One way I coped was watching romantic comedies. I watched When Harry Met Sally 1000 times and fantasized about what my love story would be.
I did not have any energy to actually go and socialize with the opposite sex especially since I went to an all girls school, but I fantasized about it.
When I reached 25, I was finally ready but now I was behind because of all those years I spent hiding.
Tip #1 to becoming a Manifesting Master: be in action. The manifestation process can go a lot quicker if you are taking action towards your goal...So I started reading about how to attract a mate. Some of the stuff I read said to visualize what I wanted. It also told me to brainstorm what I needed to work on in order to be attractive to the kind of mate I wanted.
Mostly what I needed to work on was how to actually socialize with men.
Besides being delayed by my depression my mom was a feminist who greatest fear was us becoming a shallow privileged white women.
In order to combat this she became a modern day robin hood.
We helped all the elderly people in the neighborhood, we cleaned up houses in the projects, and we watched kids for the parents who were in a bind.
And if you meet one of the 100s of people my mom has helped they will go on and on about her generosity and the impact she had had on them.
What she did not teach me was how to value my femininity. I remember feeling embarrassed even when my friends would complement my outfit and I was extremely awkward around flirting.
Given all of this you can see why it might be hard to truly believe that I could make this dream a reality. Tip #2 to becoming a manifesting master: manifestation only works when you truly in your heart can feel the feeling as if you have accomplished your goal. Not 100 % of the time but enough of the time that you attracting into your life more of the positive than the negative.
So how was I going to do this, well the more action I took to feel comfortable in the dating world, I thought the easier it will be for me to believe.
It was now my mission to develop my dating skills to get closer to feeling the feeling...so I let my friends give me a makeover, I said yes to parties and I signed up for online dating.
I started going on dates and I was terrified! What if I felt trapped?! What if not guys liked me?! What if I was murdered?!
But over time it got easier, it got so easy in fact it got boring.
Fast forward 4 years later, I have gone on 100’s of dates and no Mr right has shown up.My friend is goofing around online one day and she picks the next man for me to date; we email him together and he calls me to set up a date.
I drive into the parking lot and he looks nothing like the man of my dreams. The man of my dreams I pictured is wearing converse and a flannel, a has messed up hair like he just had went surfing or something. This guy is wearing a polo shirt and dress pants, has a hairy chest, and looks like a man!
The biggest thing was he looked like a man, I didn’t feel like a woman yet so I never had imagined myself with an actual man.
But tip # 3 about becoming a manifesting master is things don’t always appear as we originally imagined, so STAY OPEN so you don’t accidentally close the door on what you’re trying to create.
So we went in and had lunch. It was a nice lunch, he asked me real questions (not preplanned questions that you bring out on the first date), but questions that showed a genuine interest in me.
He talked about himself in a humble but confident way; that was rare; most guys are either cocky or self-deprecating but he was neither, he was definitely getting a second date.
The next day we went to a restaurant on a lake for Sunday brunch, I ordered a Bloody Mary even though I never drank during the day.
I don’t know how it happened but I told him my life story. My story although I find it empowering is also filled with tragedy and I hate being seen as a victim, but something about him made me feel safe…
His eyes were genuine, he was empathetic and he surprised me by telling me his life story which was just as intense as mine.
After lunch we walked down to the lake and he kissed me, it was the perfect first kiss, soft and sweet, and he stared deeply into my eyes with tenderness.
When I went home, I stood in my bathroom still buzzing from the 2 Bloody Mary’s, looked myself in the mirror, “ is this it?! Is this the moment I have been waiting for? Don’t get ahead of yourself Jesse… but what if it was!!!”
Over the next 2 weeks it became clearer and clearer to me that this is what I wanted, we had something, it was fun and deep and interesting and could be amazing. As the realization came to me, I woke up on Monday morning in a full blown panic.
You would think when you’re dream is about to come true and your about to get everything you asked for you would just jump up and down with joy but the thing is if you have had a hard time believing that you could really have it, you can freak out and sabotage yourself, and that is exactly what I started to do.
My heart was beating, my breathing shallow, and I felt a cramping in my stomach that I had not felt in years.
“Oh shit! I want this, this is the man I want to be with, what if he doesn’t see it? What if I am not showing him all of myself? What if this wall that all my friends talk about that I have with guys is much bigger than I ever anticipated?”
Then my other voice kicked in and I recognized what was happening so I just kept repeating in my head, “surrender Jesse, surrender, surrender, but I don’t know how!!!!!”
I called my mother she was on her way to kundalini mediation class and she told me to just to get in the car and come.
Just to give you a little back ground, she had been trying to get me to come with her to a meditation class for years! When I was 23 she left my father for a woman after discovering spirituality. She had discovered a kundalini yoga class in the hood and it allowed her to accept herself and others in a way that was completely freeing for her.
I HATED spirituality it had given my mother permission to leave my father and destroy my family.
But I was desperate so I went, when I got there class was already going, everyone was chanting and holding their positions w eyes closed.
I slipped in, got into position and the tears just started streaming down my face. This surprised me because I rarely cried. My heart rate slowed, my breathing deepened, and I felt the release of everything I was holding onto in the future. Like a stereotypical spiritual experience, I was one with now: my thoughts stopped, I was calm.
Tip #4, if you start to be afraid slow down, be accepting of the fact that you are afraid and ask yourself what you need to come back to the present.
After the class my mom and I went to lunch. It felt good to be with the new spiritual version of my mother who just accepted me where I was at.
This began a Monday ritual for us- we mediated and we ate and I talked about all the things I felt about finding the man of my dreams: my fears, my excitement, my frustrations, my gratitude.
That’s right, I was right about Mark: he was the man of my dreams, he was able to see our potential despite my slow moving self, and I was able to see him, the real him. We made a fantastic team.
We are still together and I am still meditating and eating with my mother, so really I got 2 for the price of one.